Officially this is my first post here because I’m an idiot who didn’t realise she had to cross post, my others will drift over, over time.

I start by talking about the most important thing in my life. Family. They define you don’t they? However much you fight it. They define your every neurosis and they make your early lives.

I begin this post with the negative part of my family, my father. He was useless, even more than I thought as I found out something that made me feel sick today. When I was at playschool he was meant to pick me up at 2 but he used to leave me there until 4.30 every day then run home to get me back before mum got home from work and pretend he’d been there since 2. While I can’t prove it, based on proved performance, I think used me as a cover for his affairs. My major memories involve drunkenness and none attendance. He ruined my ability to trust men.

I was always going to write this post as a dedication to my grandfather, who died suddenly last year. We were told he was sick and didn’t want to see anyone because he didn’t feel up to seeing anyone and exactly a week later we got another call to say he was dead. I have never felt pain like it. I was in the middle of my shift at work, held it together long enough to go to my boss and tell her what had happened, pack up, say goodnight to my co workers and go down to meet my mum at the car. No one even knew anything was wrong. Then I broke down, and I don’t think I stopped until the funeral was over.

There are a thousand reasons why he meant so much to me, but the main one is the choice he and my grandmother made. My parents split up when I was three, and four, and seven, and nine, before finally divorcing when I was ten, but that’s another story. My grandparents were my fathers parents, and they chose my mum and me. My fathers further decision to absent himself near enough completely from my life meant that my grandfather became my central male influence, and as my mum worked, he and my grandmother helped to raise me.

He was a blokey man, a member of the navy from the age of seventeen, used to attempt DIY (I say attempt because every time he tried he drew blood) and loved cricket and football, read sharpe’s novels and would willingly crawl around on the floor to play my little pony and dolls with me.

It’s been nearly a year since he died and writing this post still makes me cry. I miss and love him very much, and any man who wants me to love him really has to match up to his standards.

Tomorrow it’s my female relatives turn.


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OK I’m a giant suck

I’m aware I missed yesterday, but I am sick and have the tendency to either be sneezing or feel like I’m drowning.


So what am I going to ramble about today I hear you ask…well OK I’m not that crazy so I don’t.

This is today’s topic for me


This is what cool Britannia was, not one of them had fantastic teeth or a suntan, but they had balls of steel. Fictional ones for the characters, but genuine ones for the stunt drivers.


I watched this film really recently and got pulled into the pure joy of this scene. A scene with no CGI and little dialogue, that still manages to be massively iconic. Everything about it, to me anyway, screams what started a movement that I fear has now been ended.  Effortless British cool. I haven’t seen it in a while, except possibly from the brilliant Emma’s Imagination, but even she was ‘discovered’ by a reality tv show.


It’s show’s not so much like ‘It Must Be The Music’ which seem to showcase genuine talent, but the ‘Big Brother’ spin offs and ‘I’m a Celebrity’ rip offs seem to be the way forward and wanting to be Jordan seems to be an acceptable career choice. I’ll admit I’m a hypocrite. I watched ‘Strictly Come Dancing’, though Widdigate kind of ruined my faith, and the X Factor just didn’t come on in my house, but you couldn’t really avoid it. I miss news in reality TV world.


And I actually had another idea for this post, I meant to talk about ‘Hustle’, who I think nicked their first theme music from the backing track to the tune of the above clip but I got lost. I blame the antibiotics and am now feeling massively stoned. I politely request forgiveness. I may at some point come back to this post and edit it to make it make sense….If at a later point I understand what the hell I’m attempting to say.


And I hate the song on the new Lego Duplo ad…

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Little one

Because I’m due back at work in ten hours. Just a breakdown really of things to come…not giving an order.


The perils of new home ownership


Entirely uninformed opinions about politics

Huge amounts of rambling about telly, movies, books and writing

My life, dull but its gotta be there.

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Top hats and new worlds

To return what I forgot on day two

I am…sort of, a writer. It’s sustained me through the darkest periods of my life, helped me survive and get stronger. It’s also helped me to not go insane and brought me into the lives of people…the real kind, that I have grown to love having in my life. For a prime example see the weirdo with the camera who will like as not be the first to comment. I will go into hiding straight after this post.

Since I’ve been able to put pen to paper and make squiggles other people have been able to understand,  I have written stories, escaped into my own worlds for as long as possible. They have at times kept me clinging to the hope that life may be worth living. What I write about is varied and can differ depending on my mood, which is perhaps why I do not consider myself a proper writer. If I’m down, I use my characters to lift me, those tiny corners of my mind that don’t belong to a day where you get home and feel like the world took a crap in your top hat. Yes I made that phrase up and I intend to continue to use it because I like it.

In particular my writing brain lives split between three worlds, a post apocalyptic melee where people normally only old enough to have finished college and decided they chose the wrong major, have to decide what to do with a horribly broken down world and how to live in it. Never will be a book, not my idea, but I have twelve pieces of my creative consciousness there and having been there for nearly three years they ain’t leaving any time soon

The second is going to become a book, an alternate London, where things go bump in the night, and then kill whatever they’ve bumped into

And the third, the third is…I don’t know how else to describe it…It’s home. I can tell you what the view looks like from at least three rooftop locations, where the roasting tins are stored in the kitchen and the perfume each of my main characters like to wear. I know every mark on the seat of the old sports car she drives, and can place every mark on the body of the man she loves. And I couldn’t have done it without fellow blogger Michelle Sutton. This will be a book, progress detailed in the shared blog L M Towton. Four years in the development, wish us luck with the making

Also RIP Pete Postlethwaite and WELL DONE LJ for the mention…debatiness must be the way forward…Tomorrow shall I go down the route of bad TV, the fact that being treated like a mushroom is bad for the ego or that boiler repair is best done with a meat tenderiser. Wait and see…and buy a new top hat.

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OK day two

Tags to be answered: 11

Jobs to be done: 1

Back at work in: 11.30 hours

I wish I could start on a more exciting note, but my day was pretty dull. I wrote a little,  mostly for the fabulous Devils Tower and a little for our book. I went out to dinner with my mum, took down my Christmas decorations and installed skype. Mostly I just watched Ugly Betty on DVD and talked with friends.


A lot of people would think of that as horrifically boring. Even I do sometimes, but the fact is I like my boring ass life. I tried being a party animal, and it didn’t work for me, so I go with what works for me

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  1. Write more
  2. Get more exercise
  3. Lose two stone
  4. Eat more healthily
  5. Take more risks
  6. Get a new job
  7. Learn to drive
  8. Eat less take aways
  9. Buy the cat
  10. Learn another language
  11. Be more organised
  12. Get a sleep pattern
  13. Be tidier
  14. Keep resolutions (what I can’t stop at 13)

And I swear to go by this time next year at least one of these will be kept…maybe

I know kinda lame for my first ever wordpress blog post but it’s my truth…Tomorrow an introduction to my writing partner and best friend and the hundreds of voices in my head

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Hello world!

Welcome to This is your first post. Edit or delete it and start blogging!

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